I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
