I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
