I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
