Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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