In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
