some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
