i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
