Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
