So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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