i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
