ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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