I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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