Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
