do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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