his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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