They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
