and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
