Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
