She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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