the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
