Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
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If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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