david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
