I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
