She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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