I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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