Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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