Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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