I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
