dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
