By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
