In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
