i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
