like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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