Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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