I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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