I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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