Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
