I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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