The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
