I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
