Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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