i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
