And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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