Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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