I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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