are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
