Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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