Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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