apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
