We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
