garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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