i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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