Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
