So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
