i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
sex in a hospital.. check
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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