I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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