I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
