I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
