Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
