he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
