You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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