we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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