how can u be prego again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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