As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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