I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
