Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
