someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
