when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
